i've updated my blog to appear green. Apparently that's all you need to do to truly combat global warming. Check out NBC. Heck I know Google is probably green today. Watch all the commercials you can. You'll see more green than on St. Patrick's Day. We will unite behind the color green, and we will win. (Means absolutely nothing, but there are enough loons out there to buy off on it.) Yeah GREEN! GREEN, GREEN GREEN! Look at me I'm GREEN! Wow I do feel good, but anyway.
On Earth Day, don't just plant a tree. Hug a tree. Kiss it if your feeling up to it. Then when you see all the commercials and news stories tomorrow, about how we're killing the Earth and the bleeding heart liberals are doing everything they can to save it by singing in the park, playing hacky sack and burning sweet sacrifices at the feet of a golden statue of their savior ALGORE, you can sit back and smile because you made a difference in the life of that tree, a difference that just might save your life. (Sure, now there's an awkward sexual tension when you walk past, but hey no big deal.)
How might this save my life you ask. Because, the great prophet ALGORE has sayethed unto us that we art killing the Earth. Well, he's wrong. We won't kill the Earth. The Earth will likely kill us.
Survival of the fittest won't matter when the tree people rise from the ground to defend the planet against our polluting ways. Loggers will run screaming as the towering giants they dropped with chainsaws now chase them. Our cities will, be overrun with armies of trees. (Lubbock should hold out for quite a while. Colorado will probably have to send a garrison of pines down to finish us off, and then New Mexico will have to send some after we wipe those out, it could go on for a while.)
You can prevent this from happening though. No not by driving a hybrid, or buying carbon offsets or watching An Inconvenient Truth in your boxer shorts while eating Cheetos from the bag. No, all you have to do is hug a tree. Show it some love, some compassion, that you truly care about it. Then when the army of pines comes into town it can say, "No boys, he's (or she's) with me." (That is of course if your tree friend hasn't been slaughtered in the man/tree war at that point.)
So on April 22, 2008, go out and hug a tree, it may literally save your life. Turning your website green, or running "green" commercials won't work. Trees don't use the internet or watch TV, and no your ficus can't vouch for you. A ficus is looked down upon in the larger tree community.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment