Hollywod Condimential: A Sit Down with Fancy Ketchup, Tomato Ketchup and Catsup

I've often wondered what makes fancy ketchup fancy? Why isn't tomato ketchup fancy, and isn't fancy ketchup tomato ketchup too? Is there a difference in ketchup and catsup? The question has been pondered by more than me, and the simple answer give is that there just the same. If you read the ingredients labels, they're all the same. Fancy ketchup seems to be just tomato ketchup in fancy packaging. Catsup seems to be just another way to say ketchup. But there is more to it. It's easy enough to read a label and draw a conclusion but has anyone actually tried to speak to these three about the issue?

I sat down for an interview with Fancy Ketchup, Tomato Ketchup, and Catsup to found out there similarities, differences, secrets and desires for a more flavorful world.

Kyle (K): I really want to take you three for taking the time to sit down and speak with me today. I am a really big fan of all three of you.

Fancy Ketchup (FK): Oh, it's no bother at all old chap. Really, it's great to be here. Simply terrific.

Tomato Ketchup (TK): Yes, we all enjoy the chance to sit down and "catch up."
(Laughter from group)

Catsup (C): What? What's everyone laughing at?

K: Ok, first let's get right to the questions everyone seems to be asking but is too afraid to ask. What makes you guys different? Why is fancy, fancy? Why is catsup spelled completely different from the two of you?

FK: Well, I guess I'll address the question regarding me first. I don't think anything in particular makes me fancy, or that there's anything about me that makes me better than either of my counterparts here. It's really more of a nickname I picked up at the academy.

K: The academy?

TK: The condiment academy. It's the place where all new condiments go to see if they can "cut the mustard," so to speak. (Laughter from TK)

C: That's where I actually developed my spelling of my name.

FK: Yes, Catsup actually found himself in a very tough spot, with Tomato and I, fighting for the shelves. He had to come up with his own identity and I think he did it quite well.

K: But why Fancy? Why not, Awesome or Amazing Ketchup, or simply Great?

C: That's because of his accent. He's got that British accent that made him sound so... so... well so fancy.

TK: Yeah, that name actually stuck with him from the first day, and it allowed us to share the top spot in the "Condiment for French Fry" category. We each went on to be mass produced and enjoyed around the world.

K: Tell me a little about your relationship with mustard? Which one of you is closest with him?

TK: Mustard is a really great guy. He's just done so well for himself. When we all graduated he seemed like a second tier condiment, just an addition to one of the three of us.

FK: But, the chap really took off didn't he. He's the most popular on the American burger, on the hot dog, he's worked a great deal with honey for a tasty combo for chicken and other items. He really has excelled, and he's a jolly good tennis player.

C: We were out on the courts the other day and he has really stepped up his game. You know he's got that big match coming up with Bar-B-Que (BBQ) Sauce.

TK: Oh not BBQ. That guy is such an ass.

FK: Now, Tomato. He is a bit abrasive but he's got his good qualities. Though they have yet to present themselves.

K: I'm sensing a little hostility towards BBQ Sauce. Tell me a little about that?

TK: Well there's not much to tell. BBQ is a pompous ass and that's all there's is to it. That son of a...

FK: Tomato, that's quite enough. There's no sense in lowering ourselves to his level.

TK: He's just an offshoot of us Fancy and you know it. He came from a mixture of Catsup over there and some other crap and presto, we've got an absolute worthless piece of...

FK: That'll be enough of that.

K: Catsup, you've been very quiet.

C: Well, it's a hard topic. I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was you and we were experimenting with some substances, I went too far, passed out, and the next morning there was BBQ. He was nice enough at first but then he started gaining popularity and then... Well now, you'd just have to get to meet him to understand.

K: So I gather he didn't go through this Condiment Academy like you three did.

TK: No he didn't, he rode our coattails onto store shelves and now his ego's on pace to grow so dad gum big, there won't be a bottle big enough to put it in.

K: Well I want to thank you three for your time. You've shed some light on some very interesting issues.

FK: It was our pleasure. We do so hope this clears the air on this issue once and for all.

Catsup: Yeah, we just want people to know we are all the same, all are united, and are all striving for the same goal.

TK: Yes, and next time any of you see BBQ you tell him he can kiss my red...

K: Thank you again.

So, there you have it. I hope that clears up that issue. But, I do find myself wondering about BBQ Sauce. I have too, found myself impressed with his bold flavor, variety, and ability to make me eat until I am physically sick. Stay tuned for my next sit down interview with BBQ Sauce, in the next in the Hollywood Condimential series.