I stepped off the plane at approximately 2:35 pm. I looked around the airport sizing up those around me. I had received a bit of advice earlier in my life. "If you ever end up in New Orleans beat someone up and establish yourself with the other inmates." That was about New Orleans right?
Anyway, I went to the first person I saw and hit them over the head with my suitcase. A lot of people came running, and were yelling. I think they were impressed. I proceeded on to the shuttle, which took me to my hotel.
On the ride over it be came absolutely clear why I did not rent a car. I would still be sitting on the interstate, lying in the floorboard, crying, and unable to control my bladder or bowels. Once at the hotel I ran inside, checked in and rushed to my room.
My plan had been to remain their cowering until the next morning. But, I decided to venture outside. It was much like a very young puppy in a new environment. I slowly inched out of the front doors, then went back in, then inched out once more. The concierge was very nice and even stood there saying, "Come on! Come on! That's it. That's a good boy! Who's a good boy? Yeah you!
I walked down a block, then when I saw that all appeared to be OK I walked a little farther. Then I walked down several more blocks. I'm still not great at the whole crossing the street thing. I often come to an intersection where a car is stopped at a 4-way stop and, unsure of whether to walk in front of it or not, I change my direction all together and don't even cross the street. I circled the same block several times using this method.
All in all it was pretty uneventful. But I've still got three days left. (And I'm in room number 911.)
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Obama Goes Poop, Crowd Goes Crazy!
During a campaign stop in Dallas, Presidential Candidate, Illinois Senator, and very likely a real life Superhero in disguise, Barack Obama received applause for blowing his nose.
Asked what they liked about the speech one tearful Obama supporter stated, “He just… he just…” The woman stumbled backwards and fainted, so I was forced to move to a supporter sitting atop her husband’s shoulders swinging her bra over her head.
She told me, “He’s just a real person, you know. Like, he was up there and he needed a change. He needed to stop and blow his nose. Most politicians wouldn’t do that. He doesn’t just preach change he lives it. You can hear the change when he walks. It sounds like a lot of quarters, but I bet he has some pennies in there too because he believes they’re all equal.”
When I tried to explain that a quarter and a penny aren’t at all equal, she just shook her head patted me on the shoulder and said, “Barack will change that. We have to hope that change in change can come, and that change will give us hope.”
As I sit here, I can only think myself lucky. Had the Super Senator had intestinal issues rather than a head cold the results could have been disastrous. I know the fuss we make over our two year old when she goes poop in the potty. Had Barack excused himself to the restroom, the shear energy created by his triumphant reentry and statement, “I went potty,” may have literally blown the roof off of Reunion Arena.
Asked what they liked about the speech one tearful Obama supporter stated, “He just… he just…” The woman stumbled backwards and fainted, so I was forced to move to a supporter sitting atop her husband’s shoulders swinging her bra over her head.
She told me, “He’s just a real person, you know. Like, he was up there and he needed a change. He needed to stop and blow his nose. Most politicians wouldn’t do that. He doesn’t just preach change he lives it. You can hear the change when he walks. It sounds like a lot of quarters, but I bet he has some pennies in there too because he believes they’re all equal.”
When I tried to explain that a quarter and a penny aren’t at all equal, she just shook her head patted me on the shoulder and said, “Barack will change that. We have to hope that change in change can come, and that change will give us hope.”
As I sit here, I can only think myself lucky. Had the Super Senator had intestinal issues rather than a head cold the results could have been disastrous. I know the fuss we make over our two year old when she goes poop in the potty. Had Barack excused himself to the restroom, the shear energy created by his triumphant reentry and statement, “I went potty,” may have literally blown the roof off of Reunion Arena.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
4 Year Old Bible Class
Tonight in the 4 year old bible class we discussed the difficulties of being a friend to those who weren't nice to us. Kids really do say the darndest things. They even add a cute little spin to topics like, oh I don't know, capital punishment.
We were doing an activity where the kids drew an illustration out of a paper bag that depicted one kid not being nice to another kid. The first couple of pictures went by without a hitch. The running question was, "What would you say to someone treating this person in this way?" The typical answer was, "I would tell them it's not nice or I would tell them to stop it or I would tell their mom."
On the third picture the picture showed a boy pushing a little girl. The kids quickly pointed out that it wasn't nice and he was a big bully. One stated firmly, "I'll cut his head off." Then he made a slicing motion across his neck.
Uh, what? All I could say was, "Maybe that's not being a good friend either." Then we moved on to the next picture, this time showing a boy refusing to share his ball with another boy. I asked the same question this time an answer came from a different boy. "Why don't we just kill him."
Again, I'm stumped. "Maybe we should lay of the Middle Eastern justice system for now," is all I could say. The next picture was a boy knocking down a girl's blocks. Crap. Yep, off with his head.
We were doing an activity where the kids drew an illustration out of a paper bag that depicted one kid not being nice to another kid. The first couple of pictures went by without a hitch. The running question was, "What would you say to someone treating this person in this way?" The typical answer was, "I would tell them it's not nice or I would tell them to stop it or I would tell their mom."
On the third picture the picture showed a boy pushing a little girl. The kids quickly pointed out that it wasn't nice and he was a big bully. One stated firmly, "I'll cut his head off." Then he made a slicing motion across his neck.
Uh, what? All I could say was, "Maybe that's not being a good friend either." Then we moved on to the next picture, this time showing a boy refusing to share his ball with another boy. I asked the same question this time an answer came from a different boy. "Why don't we just kill him."
Again, I'm stumped. "Maybe we should lay of the Middle Eastern justice system for now," is all I could say. The next picture was a boy knocking down a girl's blocks. Crap. Yep, off with his head.
Monday, February 18, 2008
A New Place, Same Stuff As Before
Hello, if you're reading this for the first time, welcome to my blog's new home. If you're reading this for the second time, wow you really have nothing to do, do you.
I'll still be keeping my rent house over on Myspace (www.myspace.com/klanejames) but most of my blogs will now be posted here. I'll try to keep the content updated and funny. I'll try to lay off the fast food industry a bit but... Yeah that's not going to happen. You don't walk away from a diamond mine.
I'll try to be fairly regular with my posts so the content is fairly fresh. Hopefully this will become a daily or weekly stop for all your laughing needs. Thanks for reading.
I'll still be keeping my rent house over on Myspace (www.myspace.com/klanejames) but most of my blogs will now be posted here. I'll try to keep the content updated and funny. I'll try to lay off the fast food industry a bit but... Yeah that's not going to happen. You don't walk away from a diamond mine.
I'll try to be fairly regular with my posts so the content is fairly fresh. Hopefully this will become a daily or weekly stop for all your laughing needs. Thanks for reading.
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